welll the past couple of days have been a blur tbh. moving from one thing to the next just like that, to keep my busy, to keep me sane.

i keep having nightmares. As u can imagin, a girl like me, thinks too far into them, theres always a reason, theres always sub consious thoughts that have yet to make their apperance. i dont like nightmares, im a bit like a five year old girl screaming for her daddy because theres a monster under her bed, they scare me. not like Ahhh im scared, more emotionally scared, upset, hurt, and lonly.

i have missed my best friend so much recently, she only lives up the road, but we've both been busy, shes got her nose in the books or her camera, and im just monging out every chance i get. i get myself into stupid situations sometimes, and i cant tell her because i know what will happen, she'll help and it will all be better, i want to be able to do it myself, but i couldent with these nightmares, i had to tell her, she helped, told me not to worry, and of corse i dident..for a while. shes always been there for me, even when im in the wrong. which i am most of the time tbh.

i dont mean to get myself into trouble, honestly. if did i'd be a lot better at getting myself out of it. but i land myself in these holes..without a saftey rope to get me out, which is why i always need my friends. they will lean in, pick me up, dust me off and set me on my way, proberly with food in my hand.

i swear i've seen the future, me sitting in a flat on my own, laying on the kitchen table, with 7 empty tubs of ben and jerrys around me, red sore eyes where i've been crying all night, because my boyfriends left me for his Xbox. and in they all come, with there shopping bags, chinise food and the good old film. shove me in the shower. pick out some clothes, and just love me. they are all i need tbh. my friends, (family dont come into it.) i know the saying bloods thicker then water is true. but once you've trusted someone, helped them and loved them. it dont seem like water anymore. its more thick goo u cant shake off.
i could be in a massive mood, and hate people at times. but no matter how hard i shake that goo aint coming off. its true. only real people leave footprints in your heart. my mates..stomped all over it:L in a good way tho.

its nice to see all the couples getting ready for prom, but im happy im going with onie. my one and only. she will never hurt me i hope.. she shouldent do, i hope i've never hurt her. shes amazing tbh. i know we get sick of eachother, and we the complete opposite but. its love..i know if i could be anywhere in the world right now, i would be with her, in the woods, sitting on that bridge in the rain, while she takes pictures and listens to me babble on. shes mine. i dont care what anyone says, shes mine. i know shes others best friend too, but shes mine. im hers i suppose. no matter how much i fight against her better judgement, her smartness, her real love and careing for me. i know in the end, i only have to look at her, and she will be there. she knows exactly whats going on in my head. at all times, she knows me. she don't care about the stupid mistakes i've made, she just cares about how i feel about them, admittedly, i know shes thinking "i told u so" but she never says it..unless i've never heard her say it..(i dont reeally listen much tbh..) thats another fault of mine. someone could be telling me something so important, to save me all the time and pain i will soon be feeling. and i dont listen, i do what i want, get hurt and go running to them. sooner or later people are not going to tell me anymore, i'll be on my own, im hard to put up with, im very demanding, i get bored easily. if im sleepy or hungry im grouchy, i never have any money(i owe leonie like billions) im possibly the most lazyest person out of our little group, i dont help myself out, like i dont revise or anything, i make everything ten times harder for myself.
but then theres onie. picking me up, dusting me off, and telling me shes got some chocolate at her house. one of my most rememberable times with onie is when it was a weekend at hers, i think we was both hurting, boys hay?! but we laid about, watched films "WHY HAVE THEY GOT DIRT UNDER THEIR EYES?" Eating ben and jerrys for breakfast, eating pasta out of jugs:L! annoying people on msn. and just spent time together because we could... i love her.

well i best be off, i have an exam to fail, much love